LWB Community Blog

“Who’s Your Real Mom?”

We are really enjoying hearing your thoughts on LWB Community’s “Conversation of the Week”!   Two weeks ago, we asked if you had seriously considered searching for your child’s birthparents.  Half of you responded that you had thought about it but know it would be almost impossible.  25% of you felt that it was up to your child to initiate that search when they are older, 8% said that they had no desire to find out their identity, and 17% said that they were actively taking steps to find them!

With such a wide variety of responses, we are sure you’ll have lots to say about our topic for this week.  Certainly, every adopted child of school age has heard this question from one of their friends:  “Who is your real mom, and why did she give you up?”   Sometimes this question comes from genuine curiosity, and sometimes it’s in the form of teasing or bullying (as in, “Didn’t your real mom love you enough to keep you?”)  While some children are upset by this and others take it in stride, we know that deep down it must raise questions in our children’s hearts.  When your child hears this kind of question, how do they respond (or how have you taught them to respond)?

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  • Andrea says:

    My daughter who is adopted from China and 9 1/2m 4th grade got asked this year by a classmate, “Where is your REAL Mom?”, She replied, “The real mom is the one who loves you and raises you! I was not an orphan you know” My Esther has no desire to look for her biological mom or dad. We are joined so tightly heart to heart. Hug, hug, squeeze and kiss your kids! Love, love and prayer brought healing to our daughter who was 22 months old when we adopted her from Qidong, Hunana

  • KK says:

    They know they have two mommies – one in China who gave birth to them and one at home, who loves and takes care of them. Both are real.

  • North100 says:

    I love the W.I.S.E. approach (it’s from the WISE UP Powerbook). “All children need assistance in choosing how much, when, and with whom they want to share parts of their adoption story.” I modify some of the advice and dialog in the book for my young girls, 7 & 5. I love how it gives them choices and helps them tune into the person’s intention behind the question. Thanks for posting this question. It’s a great reminder. ~Lo Thamm

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